What the BBC vaunts as part of English national humour
has infected their programmes like a malignant tumour.
It’s a pity the comics on Top Gear can only make comments that are bitter
as they go into hysterics while they simper and titter.
As about other nations they exhibit bigotry and ignorance
are they hoping their own country’s values to advance?
Do they want them to admire what they boast is their reserve
as ambulances pick up drunken teenagers from this and that city curb?
Instead of criticizing other countries’ culinary arts,
why not try to improve their own lumpy custard tarts?
Foreigners willing to taste their toad-in-the-hole
should ask the Lord to have mercy on their soul.
The English consider leathery meat
to be a most delectable treat.
They only serve fish if it is shaped into a finger
with an aftertaste that on the tongue forever will linger.
When finishing dinner they think it’s bon ton
to end by eating a nice sticky bun.
The meal is washed down with very warm ale
but it can only be served if it is pale.
Chef Gordon Ramsay’s four-letter words do not amuse
as we wonder whether he is imbibing too much kitchen booze,
The expletives he is continuously heard to utter
would be best spoken by a denizen of the gutter.
Why does he always have to look so disgusted?
Does he think none of his assistants can be trusted?
So while he continues to display his many insanities
someone step up to the plate and make a bonfire of his profanities.
But the worst crime for which the BBC must be berated
is how there the English language is now articulated.
It is often hard to make out just what they mean
when they won’t put a subtitle on the screen.
Is it too much to hope they show television viewers abroad,
who used by BBC English to be impressively awed,
that they can still produce at least one quality show
about which the producers could with self-satisfaction crow?
including a mention or two of some witty quote.
There are so many names from which they could choose
and below are mentioned a few they might want to peruse.
There is Synge and O’Flaherty, Behan and Yeats
to name just a very few of the greats.
Another fine author who should not be left out
is Francis Mahoney, aka Father Prout.
If it’s comedy they want they might suggest to their boss
that he allow them to quote the ladies Somerville and Ross.
There are so many others by whose works we are beguiled
such as O´Casey, Jonathan Swift and, of course, Oscar Wilde.
If they decided they would like to air a humorous voice
Oliver Goldsmith would be a most suitable choice.
If they wanted an erudite audience to draw
they could hardly do better than quote Bernard Shaw.
If ballads were needed there would be nothing more sure
than to delve into the romantic works of famed Thomas Moore.
James Joyce of course must not be left out of the mix
as his writings would surely the viewers’ transfix.
Ending on a more contemporary note
there is someone else from whom they could quote.
Phil Linehan’s satiric verses would probably make most listeners smile
although, to be honest, in some others they might produce bile.
The list goes on and on but I now discover I’ve put myself on a spot --
to say that every author mentioned is Irish I simply forgot!