I have written, and write, verses on different subjects,including politics. Some are satiric and some, I hope, amusing. Feel free to comment.

September 27, 2011

Chris Chrisies for President?

Republicans are touting Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey, as their great candidate for president.   Should they not say he is their h-u-g-e or i-m-m-e-n-s-e candidate?

September 8, 2011

How I See Clouds


This morning when in bed I lay
and watched the dawning of the day,
I was fascinated by the changing sky
as I saw the clouds go passing by.

Most looked as if they were made of fluff
though a few were formed of sterner stuff.
They pretended to be what they were not
with one looking like a fancy yacht.

When I thought I saw a man sitting on a chair
until I realized it was a polar bear.
Into view there appeared an arum lily
but in fact it was a map of Chile.

What at first I decided was a Canada goose
promptly morphed into an Alaskan moose.
The clouds I like best have a nice pink hue
and I am somewhat wary of those coloured blue.

The mammatus always give me a pain
for I know they forecast a storm, or at least heavy rain.
About black clouds, however, you will not see me whining
because I know each one has a silver lining.

I kept watching as each shape altered
one becoming a rock that had been Gibraltared.
I was hoping for something that would be just fine,
that is to be able to catch a glimpse of the one known as nine.

I would enjoy it for as long as I was allowed
before it turned back into just another cloud.
Then, feeling exhausted as up with the cumulus I tried to keep
I had to turn around and go straight back to sleep.

August 16, 2011

Who Rates the Raters?

Although it takes no genius to see U.S. finances are in a mess
the downgrade confuses me I must confess.
When Standard and Poor announced the drop
many asked whether President Deven Sharma had blown his top.

He admitted to what he called a trivial mistake
of the kind, he claimed, anyone could make.
It was only a $2 trillion error and should not cause a fuss
just because someone wrote a minus instead of a plus.

August 8, 2011

London Riots

This royal throne of kings, this sceptered isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea
Which serves it in the office of a wall,
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

Poor Shakespeare. He must be spinning in his grave.

July 11, 2011

Is Cyberspace the Answer to Population Control?

Droughts, tornados and hurricanes,
huge areas lashed by incessant rains.
Floods and wild fires causing destruction
with calamitous effects on food production.

Effects that can be seen in the local store
with the most basic items costing more.
About climate change not much can be done
with politicians deciding the subject to shun.

July 8, 2011

Be Careful About the Horse You Back (Or That Backs You)

It is hard to understand how a U.S. (formerly Australian) citizen can so many politicians dancing to his tune.

When Rupert Murdoch wanted his venom to promote
and tell U.S. and other citizens how they should vote
he found that, as he had the bad luck to be Australian,
he could not enter foreign markets where he was an alien.

Not for a single moment did that give our hero pause
as he quickly found a way around all the media laws.
He would buy himself a brand new citizenship
so that on American television he could get a grip.

July 1, 2011

The Remarkable John McCain

Try as I might I find it hard to explain
the dim-witted remarks made by John McCain.
Arizona´s Senator is appalled troops from Afghanistan will be pulled out
and that they should remain in Iraq he is never in doubt.

Despite being held captive as a prisoner when he was younger,
he vies with Cheney as being America’s most fanatical warmonger.
He is convinced the nation’s fast vanishing wealth
is better spent on the military than on improving its health.

John’s State is a place where many nutters are bred
who like to shoot people in the head.
Semi-automatic guns are the weapons of choice
and about outlawing them few would dare raise a voice.

But his comment that surely must be most reviled
is that illegal immigrants cause Arizona’s fires that are wild.
Indeed that assertion is such a shocker
it is proof, if any were needed, that John is indeed off his rocker.

Is he trying to outdo Arizona’s new resident
who, it is clear, is of a similar bent?
Did he suggest Sarah should stop gazing across the Bering Strait
and move south to be close to her co-candidate?

Or, when from Alaska she decided to vamoose
was she planning perhaps to cook John’s goose?
It is unlikely the two families in Arizona will be cosily dining
once John’s daughter Meghan knows what Bristol Palin about her is whining.

Jon Kyl, the other Senator representing the State,
After he engages in any kind of debate
shows he’s verging on the delirious
when he claims nothing he said was meant to be serious.

The outlook for Arizona is decidedly bleak
with a Governor, Jan Brewer, who is unable to speak.
Though the suggestion might seem somewhat odd;
could the weather conditions be a sign from God.?

But of all the inhabitants of that benighted State
It is John who gives most concern about his fate.
For it is he who is cursed with a terrible bane --
At birth he was branded with, and will always bear, the Mark of McCain.

June 16, 2011

Some Assets are Best Left Hidden Assets

So Anthony could not hang on
and very soon he will be gone.
Can anyone account for the actions of Mr. Weiner,
that would explain his bizarre demeanor?.

What can have happened to his brain
that made him flush everything down the drain?
Why did he, judged by colleagues as being among the bright,
put on his future so damaging a blight?

Was it attention that he sought?
Did he unconsciously want to he caught?
Was he suffering from depression?
Was it perhaps a Freudian repression?

A pity when the good doctor lectured about behavioral disorders
no-one had yet invented recorders.
Did he really claim that what every woman, including Venus,
yearned for most of all was to have a penis.

Penis envy was the term he used
and it has left politicians and sportsmen confused.
They believe it meant women wanted theirs to be shown
instead of longing to have one of their own.

This has led to a spate of tweeted pictures
that brought upon the senders outraged strictures.
It’s not easy to understand how anyone a thrill could get
by exposing their intimate details on the net.

The moral is one that’s very clear.
One should not show the whole world all one’s gear
So let any man who would like to be thought of as a masher
be careful not to become a cyberflasher.

******
Many skeptics there are who think
Freud was the one who needed a shrink.

June 8, 2011

Twitter, Twitter on the Wall, Who is the Sexiest of them All?

What is it with men in positions of power
who seem to inhabit an ivory tower?
They believe they are kings of their castles
and think of women as their vassals..

Tiger and Dominique are names that spring to mind
and there are many others of a similar kind.
Arnold of course we should not forget
who, just like the others, his behaviour must now regret.

There’s Governor Mark Sanford who mountains could shift
when he flew off to Argentina to give his soul mate a gift.
When to his wife he became a traitor
he moved the Appalachians south of the Equator.

Then they become indignant and cranky
when someone discovers their sexy hanky panky.
The latest would-be Lothario to be found out
is now seeing his career go down the spout.

Anthony Weiner hoped to become New York’s next big shot
before he got his boxers twisted in a knot.
He didn’t know that Tweeting is a dangerous game
especially when one uses one’s very own name.

What made him think the sight of his underwear’s bulge
would induce women with him in virtual sex to indulge?
A quick glance at the asset of which he is so proud
is enough to confirm he’s not that well endowed.

Any young woman would become dismayed
when seeing the photo of the face he displayed.
There’s no way she would yearn our hero to hug
once she got a good look at his unprepossessing mug.

How come the man who turns out to be such a louse
usually has an intelligent and attractive spouse?
Is it because deep in his heart
he realizes he’s the one who is not that smart?

The moral of this tale is very clear
and I am glad I can repeat it here.
Any man who plans to cheat
must learn how to control his Tweet.

May 21, 2011

No Strauss Waltz

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head man at the International Monetary Fund,
at being hauled off to Rikers Island jail looked stunned.
What he may have done to deserve that fate
will only come out at a later date.

Meantime, those who saw the hand-cuffed perp-walk* and might be confused
should remember as yet he has only been accused.
When a Maid in Manhattan sees a guest naked in a room
does she walk right in brandishing her broom?

It is said that when coming out of the shower he was garmentless
but then so am I, I must confess.
Shouldn’t the sight of Strauss-Kahn in the altogether**
have made the woman turn around and run hell for leather?

Or when faced with Dominique’s knobby knees
did she stop in her tracks and immediately freeze?
Did she assume he wanted to entice her with his manly charms
and expect she’d swoon and fall right into his arms?

It is alleged that, naked, he began her to pursue.
If true, that is something he will come to rue.
Did a 62-year old man think a woman half his age he could race
and, though less than agile, could outpace?

The maid accuses him of actions nefarious
and placing her in a situation precarious.
But while everywhere we are shown his haggard dial***
before we see his accuser’s face we’ll have to wait a while.

No-one denies Dominique has an eye for this and that lady
and is said at times to have acted in a way that’s shady.
So, if really guilty of unwanted hanky panky with a maid in a hotel
few will object if he is sentenced to a long jail spell.

A hotel maid, with a thankless job,
must be wary of the rich, the powerful and this and that inebriated slob.
Still, care has to be taken to judge each case as it occurs
instead of spreading gossipmongers’ slurs.

When Dominique looks in the mirror as he shaves
he must suspect he will not cause any woman’s raves.
Or is his a distorting mirror so that what he sees reflected in it
is someone who looks like George Clooney or Brad Pitt?

The maid’s lawyer says she felt so traumatized
that to press charges she was advised.
She claims what DSK tried to do to impress her
included making every effort to undress her.

The cops when called laid on him the blame
for trying to do a bunk, or so they claim.
One thing, however, must be observed:
he had a plane ticket that had been reserved.

For someone trying the coup to fly****
Strauss-Kahn seems to have been less than sly.
Before he got to the airport’s starting gate
he phoned the hotel to tell them where they him could locate.

The thing about this sorry story that would fill me with dismay
is if the IMF did indeed for one night’s lodging $3,000 pay.
At that price it’s no wonder if a pampered guest should think it’s all right
to take advantage of anything in sight.

****************
I would advise Dominique in future to use his antenna
and attract the ladies with a Strauss waltz from Vienna.

***********************

*Perp-walk In New York, and elsewhere in the U.S., police parade an arrested suspect(the perpetrator) in handcuffs in front of the media, giving the impression that the accused has been found guilty before being charged.
** in the altogether - naked
*** dial – face.
**** fly the coop – run away

May 16, 2011

But Where’s the Proof?

Who among us could have thought
Osama Bin Laden would finally be caught?
Ten years ago George W. Bush stood up and said
he would get him alive or dead.

Although he made clear he was an Osama hater
George is not an outstanding communicator.
When years had passed and a journalist reminded him of his solemn vow
to his interrogator he exclaimed: “Holy cow!”

He told the reporter he shouldn’t believe everything he read
as he asked “How the heck could I catch him if I was dead?”
Now his successor has dumped a body in the sea
leaving many to wonder whose it might be.

Photos are not to be shown of a man shot in the face
so that his identity no-one can trace.
It would be too upsetting the Americans say
to people who remember pictures of the massacre at My Lai.

It took U.S. Intelligence all those years to run him to ground
although it seems since 2008 it’s been known where he could be found.
To be able to brag he´s the one who accomplished a mission
has been Obama´s overriding ambition.

While most would agree Osama was not a nice guy
it does not stop many from asking why
they could not have taken him alive since, as he was unarmed,
not one of the invading Navy Seals would have been harmed.

Instead Obama acted as accuser, judge and jury
causing many international legal minds to react with fury.
They say he is setting a dangerous example
by claiming on the rule of law he can trample.

It should give all thinking people the chills
if he is setting a precedent for targeted kills.
Can heads of state, to impose their version of extraordinary rendition,
now enter a country without permission?

If they see a threat, whether imagined or real,
and decide the alleged culprit must be brought to heel,
will they be allowed the presumed danger to thwart
without bringing the accused before any kind of court?

Still, for Obama who is facing an election next year
it can only be cause for a celebratory cheer
that he has put one over on his Republican foes
as they find themselves in the midst of one of Cheney's throes.

May 8, 2011

Listen to the Poet

As Obama promises a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan
he is now jumping into the Libya frying pan.
To save innocent civilians he gives as the cause of the attack
as he takes one step forward and two steps back.

Sixty-six years after World War II ended
is there anyone who would not think it splendid
if from Germany and Japan the U.S. would bring troops home,
not forgetting those still stationed in Rome?

Sarkozy and Cameron are both chomping at the bit
still angry at how in Suez both their countries were hit.
They were sure the people who pyramids could build
to operate a canal were not that skilled.

Merkel doesn’t want her people in North Africa to be pained
as she remembers it was there Rommel was El Alameined.
Berlusconi is delighted to join in the fray
hoping to postpone his “Ruby” and other trials to another day.

The U.S. now is so deep in debt
about entering another conflict Obama should fret.
The baloney about the country’s destiny manifest
should finally be put to rest.

Meantime it would be wise if he took note
of what poet and philosopher Ogden Nash wrote:
“The nation bankrupt by a war
thinks to recoup with just one more”.

May 7, 2011

The Last Trump

What can we make of Donald Trump
whose name it seems was originally Drumpf?
Was the name change done according to Goren?
If not, can we assume that Donald is foreign?

If he’s serious about wanting to be America’s President
he will first have to show he’s a natural born resident.
If he really hopes to run the nation
he must prove he is not German or Croation.

Are the alarming signs of his brain being stewed
due to all the venom he has spewed?
Couldn’t any one of his many hacks
have advised him not to say he loves “the Blacks”?

Yet he claims no-one who is not lily white
to enter Harvard has the right.
A student should only be admitted with the palest face
but he denies it has anything to do with race.

When he brags he did “good” at his best school
it only makes him seem more of a fool.
If that was what they taught the school was not the best,
even if to go there he had to be well dressed.

He should have said that he did “well”
but then telling lies will only lead to hell.
When they graduated him as Class Clown
it’s a pity they didn’t tell him to get rid of the frown.

He hates the Chinese with all his might
and wishes they all would fade from sight.
Is it because the descendents of Ming
only know him as the bankruptcy king?

Is it a Donald aberration
to think as President he could invade that nation?
Meanwhile, shouldn’t he be made to show proof of his birth
to those who believe he sprang from Middle Earth?

It’s obvious Donald is well past his sell-by date
and he’d be wise to get off the screen before it’s too late.
Maybe someone on his show when he yells “You’re fired”
will have to guts to shout “And you, Donald, are expired”.

March 2, 2011

No Mission to Mars

No Mission to Mars

At dawn this morning I gazed at the sky
and saw the moon as it said goodbye.
I had watched it wane from its full moon splendour
and with each passing night become more slender.

I must confess it does not cause me pain
that for now there’s no plan to put anyone up there again.
I hope there will never be another attempt people on the moon to land
the need for which I fail to understand.

Those who stepped on our satellite and closely studied the scene
told us that it is not, as we thought, made of cheese that’s green.
They also said that there it does not snow
and I think that is really all we need to know.

Now to the planet Mars missions are planned
and some politicians insist they must be manned.
Others claim robots just as well would do
so there’s no need to send a human crew.

Whatever the enterprise it would cost untold billions
while on our planet people die of disease and hunger by the millions.
Our world’s richest country cannot care for its people’s health
while its small minority accumulates incalculable wealth.

We know the planet has the water that keeps living beings alive.
If it didn’t how could the little green men survive?
Is the plan to send humans to Mars their weapons to employ
so that, as is their wont, any alien creatures they find they will destroy?

Would our politicians’ time not be better spent
in trying planet Earth’s problems to circumvent?
So while we mortals presume the heavens for targets to scan
we should remember what the poet said: The proper study of Mankind Is Man.*

_______
* Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

February 18, 2011

Stop the Presses! Hold the Front Page!

Every morning I turn on the tele at first light
to learn out what happened overnight.
A few days ago the announcer read from her script
about events in Yemen, Tunisia and Egypt.

She then interrupted her flow of information
to say breaking news was arriving from another nation.
Brazil was the country, to be exact
but she could not yet give us any other fact.

With such anxiety did she speak
I knew the news coming in must be bleak.
Were there more disastrous landslides
that wipe away whole mountainsides?

Had the country been struck by drought?
Had Lula and Dilma fallen out?
Was the Amazon rainforest ‘s destruction worse
as logging operations on it put a curse?

Could it be something no-one wanted to face,
that this year’s carnival will not take place?
Finally we were given the news they described as dire –
a footballer announced he would retire.

February 14, 2011

A Valentine to the BBC or The Bonfire of the Profanities

What the BBC vaunts as part of English national humour
has infected their programmes like a malignant tumour.
It’s a pity the comics on Top Gear can only make comments that are bitter
as they go into hysterics while they simper and titter.

As about other nations they exhibit bigotry and ignorance
are they hoping their own country’s values to advance?
Do they want them to admire what they boast is their reserve
as ambulances pick up drunken teenagers from this and that city curb?

Instead of criticizing other countries’ culinary arts,
why not try to improve their own lumpy custard tarts?
Foreigners willing to taste their toad-in-the-hole
should ask the Lord to have mercy on their soul.

The English consider leathery meat
to be a most delectable treat.
They only serve fish if it is shaped into a finger
with an aftertaste that on the tongue forever will linger.

When finishing dinner they think it’s bon ton
to end by eating a nice sticky bun.
The meal is washed down with very warm ale
but it can only be served if it is pale.

Chef Gordon Ramsay’s four-letter words do not amuse
as we wonder whether he is imbibing too much kitchen booze, 
The expletives he is continuously heard to utter
would be best spoken by a denizen of the gutter.

Why does he always have to look so disgusted?
Does he think none of his assistants can be trusted?
So while he continues to display his many insanities
someone step up to the plate and make a bonfire of his profanities.

But the worst crime for which the BBC must be berated
is how there the English language is now articulated.
It is often hard to make out just what they mean
when they won’t put a subtitle on the screen.

Is it too much to hope they show television viewers abroad,
who used by BBC English to be impressively awed,
that they can still produce at least one quality show
about which the producers could with self-satisfaction crow?

Readings from authors who the English language best wrote
including a mention or two of some witty quote.
There are so many names from which they could choose
and below are mentioned a few they might want to peruse.

There is Synge and O’Flaherty, Behan and Yeats
to name just a very few of the greats.
Another fine author who should not be left out
is Francis Mahoney, aka Father Prout.

If it’s comedy they want they might suggest to their boss
that he allow them to quote the ladies Somerville and Ross.
There are so many others by whose works we are beguiled
such as O´Casey, Jonathan Swift and, of course, Oscar Wilde.

If they decided they would like to air a humorous voice
Oliver Goldsmith would be a most suitable choice.
If they wanted an erudite audience to draw
they could hardly do better than quote Bernard Shaw.

If ballads were needed there would be nothing more sure
than to delve into the romantic works of famed Thomas Moore.
James Joyce of course must not be left out of the mix
as his writings would surely the viewers’ transfix.

Ending on a more contemporary note
there is someone else from whom they could quote.
Phil Linehan’s satiric verses would probably make most listeners smile
although, to be honest, in some others they might produce bile.

*********
The list goes on and on but I now discover I’ve put myself on a spot --
to say that every author mentioned is Irish I simply forgot!




February 2, 2011

The Sad Case of the BBC


It really wants to make me grieve
When I ponder the collapse of what in Britain is known as Auntie or the Beeb.
The British Broadcasting Corporation that is to say,
that has very clearly lost its way.

There was a time when someone with what I said did not agree,
I would silence my critic by affirming “But I heard it on the BBC”.
Now no longer can I make that claim
and no-one on me can put the blame.

What used to be known as quality television
has become an object of derision.
It seems that little can be done it to save
while Alvar Lidell spins in his grave.

One show has their most famous chef
starts every second word with the letter “F”.
As it does not mean food one wonders whether he’s on dope
but couldn’t the producers make him wash his mouth with soap?

He insulted everything he saw in India and in Australia caused so much strife
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd described him as a new form of low life.
The BBC says when using obscene language he’s just being a lad
and, after all, that’s not so bad.

When invited to a U.S. show he was forced to swear
but only to promise to clean up his act or he wouldn’t appear there.
Meanwhile, everyone who in the U.K. has a television set
must fork out $200 for the rubbish they get.

When their crawl described the 33 children trapped in a Chilean mine
had the writer been spending too much time bent over his stein?
Or by misspelling “miners” as “minors” was he trying to make a joke
and again at foreigners attempting fun to poke?

But of one thing there can be no doubt:
Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson is the Beeb’s most notorious lout.
When he sent in his application for the job
did they ask him to prove that he’s a yob?

About motor cars he is supposed to be talking
but instead he just keeps on squawking
and by giving his opinion on matters of which he is unaware
his empty-headedness he clearly lays bare.

When he lauds the virtues of Jacquar cars he says are British
is our Jeremy perhaps just trying to be skittish?
Or could it be his idiotic intent
to pretend they are not owned by Tata Motors from the subcontinent?

I could suggest he should try to change his gears
but to do so he’d need to have something between his ears.
And it would be asking far too much
to insist that he control his clutch.

He is supported by the pathetic Richard Hammond and James May
to help him his boorish game to play.
When he diatribes as he struts around his broad arena
their laughter reminds us of a hysterical hyena.

Besides countries and cultures he insults people he doesn’t like
and if that happens to be a woman he will call her a dyke.
Every cyclist he yells should be banned from the road
or be run over like any ill-fated toad.

When caught speeding at almost 300 kilometres on a public road
witnesses thought with rage he would explode
as he blew his top about the stupid rule
that prohibited him from playing the fool.

From his posh school he was thrown out for being drunk and generally misbehaving
showing he started early with his ranting and raving.
So maybe it is time for him to stop being one of the boys
and return to his former job of hawking Paddington Bear toys.

Gone are the days when to those who wanted to learn English I would helpfully advise
that to listen to the BBC they would be wise.
I now have to tell them, and I confess I do so with a pang,
they must listen to the German Deutsch Welle or the South Korean Arirang.






January 31, 2011

Fools Rush In

I look for news of Rush Limbaugh
when I want to cheer up with a good guffaw.
He’s the guy who, presenting himself as one of society’s pillars,
can only keep going by ingesting painkillers.

The latest I see is that he has married once more
after wife number three ran out the door.
At the wedding the guests were the usual suspects that give us a fright
although Anne Coulter seemed to be nowhere in sight.

January 17, 2011

Is Jan Imbibing Too Much of Her Family’s Brew?

In Arizona if Governor Brewer does not like how you look,
her immigration police your presence won’t brook.
Latinos and Orientals whose faces that to her do not seem white
will, if Jan has her way, be made to take flight.

If you forget it’s forbidden and are heard to speak Spanish
her law enforcers you surely will banish.
To her state she proclaims they are detrimental
those seen on the street who don’t appear Occidental