President: What about the Rolling Stones guy, Mick Jagger, who seems to have been around for a long time? I hear he has suddenly become a Sir.
Reporter: Ah, that was a very special, one might even call it, to use one of your favourite words, a pre-emptive, case. You see, Sir, it was noticed recently that an alarming affliction has been spreading among young people in Britain, which the medical profession has named forebear phobia, and which might well spread to other countries if not quickly brought under control.
That sounds just awful. What is it?
It is total aversion to and rejection of their grandfathers. No similar symptoms have been observed when it comes to parents or grandmothers.
How do they become infected?
It wasn’t easy but the researchers finally found the root cause but only after the team leader himself became a victim. His granddaughter, instead of greeting him with her usual “Hello, Granddad”, suddenly started asking “Do I know you?” when he appeared. His grandson’s reaction was even more distressing with “Shove off” replacing his customary warm salutation. He was quite unable to get the young people to explain their behaviour or even to answer when spoken to.
Good grief! Had he done anything to upset them?
Not at all. It was totally beyond explanation. Fortunately he had the good sense to call on his wife for help in finding out what malady their grandchildren were suffering from. At first they were reluctant to talk to her but, after a bit of bribery involving allowances, they finally confessed to what ailed them. It seems that the youngest people who had been spectators at recent Rolling Stone concerts, or seen them on television, became terrified at the sight of the grandfatherly lead singer, Mick Jagger, gyrating and leaping around the stage like some demented dervish. This gave them terrible nightmares and a subsequent total refusal to have anything to do with the person they identified with what had caused their distress.
What did the researchers have to say about that?
As most of them had last seen the group about 35 years ago, they were a bit sceptical at first, except for the youngest member of the team who had been to a concert in 1980. They had not, therefore, witnessed what one of them later called Mr. Jagger’s St. Vitas Prance until they saw a video they had borrowed and were, as the team leader expressed it, left flummoxed by the performance. And that brings me to the honour. It was thought that by giving Mr. Jagger a knighthood he might be persuaded to use his full name and become known as the somewhat more dignified Sir Michael. This should make it harder to continue his on-stage frenzied frolicking and result in more sedate performances in keeping with his senior citizen status.
I sure hope they find a cure before other countries become infected. Well, I’ve gotta go now. You know Laura’s been after me for ages to help her hang some drapes........
Tony tries to explain the problem to Cherie
Tony …….. He said he’s glad neither of us is a grandfather and he hopes they will have found a remedy for the condition before we are.
Cherie: What condition? Galloping dementia?
Honestly, Cherie, sometimes your remarks are really too much. He also said he’s sorry Mick Jagger has had to be sedated. Did you hear anything about that?
I assumed he always had been, so that is nothing new.........