I have written, and write, verses on different subjects,including politics. Some are satiric and some, I hope, amusing. Feel free to comment.

December 30, 2010

A Fox News Mystery Solved

Distracted, I tuned into Fox News
and, curious, waited to hear their mendacious views.
To my surprise everything they said was bland
not at all reflecting Mr. Murdoch’s brand.

The usual suspects were not to be seen
and no-one vented any spleen.
Not a nasty word about anyone was said
making me think the world had turned on its head.

December 28, 2010

Things I Will Never Know

So many things leave me in doubt
that I am totally ignorant about,
I fret when I realize of the answers I will never be aware
and end up in the depths of despair.

Among the many things I do not know
is why we call claret the wine that comes from Bordeaux.
Why did a lake in Chile go out of sight
when it suddenly disappeared overnight?

December 23, 2010

Wikileaks II

In the U.S. they are making every effort on Assange to put the blame
for their own failure at the keeping secrets game.
They are trying to think of how to seal his fate
with any charge they can fabricate.

That explains the Swedes’ desperation
to bring him back to that dismal nation
so they can deport him to the U.S. of A.
to become the Americans captured prey.

If he is guilty of all they expect us to believe
can they explain why they ever let him leave?
Was it their mistake to allow him to get off scot free
before receiving instructions from Washington, D.C?

Now the Americans are bringing their best brains together for the onerous task
of trying what they call Julian’s evil intent to unmask.
They’ve been entrusted with a commission that is not easy
and depends on accusations best described as sleazy.

What will they come up with, what will be their ploy?
What dirty tricks will they enjoy?
As they can’t copy the Swedes’ tall tales of sexual harassment
will they charge him with the high crime of State Department embarrassment?

A Wise Man’s Tale

It is not generally realized the stress under which the Wise Men had to operate.   Below is the story of how one of them decided that enough was enough.

We all think that Wise Men are Lords of the Earth.
It was they, after all, who were there at the Birth.
But one told me things were not all hunky dory
so below I relate his extraordinary story.

What’s his name, you may ask, which one of the three?
That, alas, must remain an unsolved mystery.
When I asked if it mattered whether I talked,
after consenting at first, he finally balked.

December 20, 2010

A Carol for Christmas

It is time Christmas carols were brought up to date

We three kings of Orient are
to see Baby Jesus we journeyed afar.
The going was hard for it sure isn’t comfy
to ride on a camel whose hump is quite lumpy.

The bitter winds blew us
sand storms almost slew us.
Still, we beat all the odds ‘til we came to the manger,
and shrugged off the perils that put us in danger.

We finally made it and presented our gifts
but what they should be had caused a few rifts.
Mary received them with apparent great joy
though we heard later on she’d have welcomed a toy.

We had followed the star and with consciences clear
set off for our homes and a really cold beer.
We felt very pleased that we’d met with our quest
and were sure none would grudge us our well-deserved rest.

When we turned on the tele and were quenching our thirst
the news said the Coming was only the first.
There would be a second, but no-one knew when
so it seems we are destined to set off again.

But there’s one thing we all are determined about
so we make it known now to dispel any doubt.
The next time we journey, to avoid stress and strain
our travel will be ..… business class in a plane.

December 14, 2010

Sarah Palin and Jan Brewer – A Gruesome Twosome

Will we ever see the day
when Sarah Palin goes away?
She now appears on a t.v. reality show
in a landscape that’s always covered in snow.

She showed us how in her land benighted
one can shoot a caribou even if short-sighted.
It is trapped and before a camera placed to make it look bigger
giving Sarah plenty of time to pull the trigger.

December 9, 2010

To Leak or Not To Leak

The arrest of Wikileaks’ founder should raise the alarm
as it shows that telling the truth can only cause harm.
It should cause no surprise that the Swedes, who helped the U.S. with illegal
were once again quick to obey that country’s petition.

They claimed Julian Assange in their country committed a rape
before, like Houdini, making an immediate escape.
They put the word out that when having sex his condom broke
evidence, if any were needed, that the Swedes should not try to joke.

October 28, 2010

If This is Tea, Please Bring Me Some Coffee

If This is Tea, Please Bring Me Some Coffee (A. Lincoln)

As a youngster when invited to a tea party by a friend
I was quick to accept and one of the first to attend.
There would be lots of the goodies we all loved to eat,
fancy pastries and scones and every kind of choice treat.

Now grown ups are being asked another kind of tea party to join
but it is one that has the sound of a distinctly false coin.
The Republican politicians behind its promotion
are keeping mum about their beverage being a poisonous potion.

They say to get rid of government is their main ambition
and they will do whatever it takes to accomplish their mission.
It’s a pity no-one has told them theirs is not a new creed
but one which, when touted as anarchy, did not succeed.

Those chosen to serve up their venomous brew
can best be described as an off-the-wall crew.
Sarah Palin in the forefront is the party’s mad hatter
mesmerizing the crowds with her asinine chatter.

Sharron Angle of Nevada says in some counties in Texas Sharia law is applied
while Latinos from Asia are crossing the Canadian border in a flood tide.
Carl Paladino of New York who hates everyone who is gay
why he belongs to the Republican Party he refuses to say.

But of all the tea party stalwarts the weirdest is O’Donnell, Christine,
who hopes to be crowned as the Delaware queen.
When she opens her mouth to give us her views
out of it every kind of dimwittedness spews.

She is not a witch she insists and will not cast a spell
and it is not easy to grasp just what she is trying to sell.
If she keeps on about it in babble that resembles double Dutch
her listeners might think that the lady doth indeed protest too much.

Mice with brains that are human have been produced she declared
although to ask where she learnt that no-one has dared.
While on her opponents she may spill all her spleen
why to innocent mice does she have to be mean?

That every rodent has a brain we are all well aware
to accuse Christine of which no one would dare.
Having solved the mouse problem she thought it worth while
to do some research for her own monkey trial.

Reliable sources inform that when in the zoo
she embarrassed the primates by watching them screw.
When their offspring was not a babe to be wheeled in a pram
it was proof, if any were needed, that claims of evolution are all just a scam.

Still unknown, after she finished studying every ape,
is just why the zoo keepers allowed her to escape.
But escape she did to tell us that if elected she will take back the nation
by outlawing every form of masturbation.

It is estimated, in the latest projections,
that nearly 4 billion dollars will be spent on U.S. mid-term elections.
For electors the choice will not be one that is painless
when they must choose among candidates who are totally brainless.

September 12, 2010

Was Tony's Journey really necessary?

When as A Journey Tony describes his tome
does he mean his path to Rome?
Was it a road on which he discovered the God
that to go to war in Iraq gave him the nod?

No book buyers expected the language to bring Churchill to mind
and indeed they got prose of quite a different kind.
As the title has a distinctly biblical sound
its content will most readers confound.

July 27, 2010

I can’t wait to see number five

Lines of people stretched as far as the eye can see.
What is the attraction, whatever can it be?
Because to get to the prize the crowds are in such a rush
they soon begin to shove and to push.

What it is they expect to bring them so much joy,
must be a most exceptional toy.
So extraordinary for it Steve Jobs will not accept legal tender
making many of us wonder whether he’s on a permanent bender.

So get your credit card ready or you won’t stand a chance
and at the end of the rainbow you will not be given a glance.
Finally, a lucky buyer appears holding the treasure, the latest in its line,
of which its inventor declares there has never been a better design.

He says, if to the rest of the world you would demonstrate your clout,
the iphone number four you cannot do without.
It does more than any other cell phone could possibly do
and whatever movie appeals to you can be squinted at too.

But all you who decide to take a bite of the apple
must prepare yourselves with its peculiar problem to grapple.
For when you hold in your hands the smart little box
the screen disappears like a scared hunted fox.

But don’t worry, Steve has the answer, so before you can dump it
he has promised to give you something with which you can bump it.
Meantime you must excuse me while it’s off to the store I go
to get myself a brand new yo-yo

July 26, 2010

An Upside Down World (Haaretz, Jewish newspaper)

The U.S. maintains a Middle East theocracy
is the region’s one and only democracy.
But can anyone believe reasonable Israelis wish their country harm
when they compare it to Orwell’s animal farm?

In a land where all are meant to be brothers
some are much more equal than the others.
The Haradim cause the Prime Minister´s worst headache
and on them he would like to put a brake.

July 17, 2010

The Best Laid Plans

London. A sunny early July afternoon. The television had said overcast but one of the bright intervals beloved of weathermen had broken through and looked as if it was set to stay. Brian Manners had spent the morning at a job interview and planned to go straight back to his parents’ house in Essex. With the change in the weather, he decided to stay and have lunch in Hyde Park. He bought a piece of sharp Cheddar, a baguette, a half bottle of wine and a couple of apples. Whatever was left of the baguette would be welcomed by the birds or the ducks in the pond.

June 21, 2010

The Case of the False Fan


Detective Inspector Malcolm Nealy looked around the dingy C.I.D. office at his London police station and wondered if he could persuade the holders of the purse strings to splurge on a couple of tins of paint. He was checking what he called his task list, as he always did on Monday morning, deciding which cases should be dealt with first. Just as he finished planning his day Gregory Gresham, his sergeant, came into the room.

May 25, 2010

Will an Inmate be Allowed to Run the Looney Bin?

Ron Paul was a presidential pre-candidate in 2008
who never made it to the starting gate.
Now son and eye doctor Randal hopes he will have more success than dad
when he runs for the Senate, though many think he is mad.

To represent his state of Texas he is the Tea Party’s choice
so now U.S. Libertarians can all rejoice.
What is a Libertarian, one might ask, what have I missed?
It is just a fancy name for an anarchist.

May 4, 2010

Look Out for the Aliens

3 May 2010

Beware of Aliens from Outer Space

Stephen Hawking’s Brief History of Time was a book millions bought but very few read
though it proved to be a great cure for insomnia when taken to bed.
His explanations left me so puzzled and scratching my head
that I picked up an old Agatha Christie mystery to unravel instead.

Now the professor has told us aliens do indeed exist,
a piece of information I would never have missed.
He admonishes us to them not to make an approach
or we might end up being squashed like an unwanted cockroach.

British Elections

2 May 2010

May sixth is the date of the British general election,
a process that should give us pause for reflection.
With the peculiar system of counting employed
many voters’ ballots might just as well be destroyed.

It is usually a case of the same old story
with most people voting either Labour or Tory.
But the method they use to calculate
can mean the party with most votes is left at the gate.

April 18, 2010

The Chairman Doth Protest Too Much

Greenspann arises from the Ashes

We thought that he had at last gone away
and would not again be jumping into the fray.
But Alan Greenspan was called to appear before an Inquiry Commission
to answer questions about his role in the financial demolition.

It soon became clear he was there his critics to roast
as he sat before the panel looking like Jacob Marley’s Ghost
While he was Fed Chairman mistakes were made he admitted
but none, apparently, by him had been committed.

April 4, 2010

Tiger -- The Never Ending Story

As Tiger’s head mistress is ready to shoot him down in flames
our attention is being distracted by a guy called Jesse James.
Does anyone really believe it when they try to feed us the fiction
that promiscuity has now become sex addiction?

That lying and cheating is a medical condition
to be treated by a specialized physician?
That spending a very short time in what they call rehabilitation
will mean all will be forgiven and be their salvation?

March 3, 2010

The Chilcot Follies

This is how I see the Chilcot inquiry, still ongoing.

Why did the British feel in yet another Iraq war inquiry they had to wallow?
Was it because no-one the conclusions of the others could swallow?
They covered up the truth about why Dr. David Kelly died,
then the evidence for 70 years they decided to hide.

So here we are, once again, glued to the tele
hoping at last to learn what really happened to Dr. Kelly.
The claim was that he had taken his own life
but after killing himself he seems to have cleaned the knife.

February 25, 2010

Masters No More? or, What Would Karl Make of It?

This was written when the meltdown began and I think it is still relevant.

Of the Universe each one was a Master
and scorned the few who hinted at approaching disaster.
The market they considered their very own toy
dismissive of what happened to Sherman McCoy.

So we watched as Wall Street went right on sinking
and wondered just what George W. was thinking.
It was he who led the call for multi-millionaires to pay less tax
and for regulators to get off their backs.

February 15, 2010

Of Mice and Men – and the BBC

Written on 1st February 2010

Once upon a time to say “I heard it on the BBC” left no room for argument. Alas, no more.

Soon after the Haiti earthquake struck a picture of an aircraft in Port-au-Prince appeared on BBC News. Although the very large letters read: FUERZA AEREA MEXICANA we were told it was from the United States. It is a lot to ask of BBC news readers, or prompt writers, to know that FUERZA AEREA means Air Force, but the word MEXICANA could have been a clue.

A few days later we were told the Pope was to visit a synagogue in Rome, an event welcomed by most Jews although some objected because of his plan to canonize Pope Pius VIII (1829-1830), quickly corrected to Pope Pius VII (1800-1823), because he had not done enough for the Jews during World War II (1939-1945). They should have said Pope Pius XII.

January 29, 2010

George W. Lays It Bare, or Will the President Make Amends?

Written when George W. was still President

Many in the United States their Constitution laud
and its elegant language they applaud.
Its preamble, a single sentence, contains a nicely chosen phrase
that is well deserving of their praise.

But its most ardent admirers are obviously those
who have never read the rest of its prose.
If they did they might ask why, if it is so splendid,
do they keep on having to amend it?

January 27, 2010

Now He’s a Believer, or Is Tony Born Again?

Written in March 2006. Tony Blair decided to blame his God for Iraq although a Prime Minister who invokes the Almighty is not looked upon very well in Britain. But Tony was obviously under the influence of his pal George.

Mounting the platform on centre stage,
he lectured us a war we had to wage.
to destroy the weapons he said they’d found
hidden deep in Saddam’s ground.

January 25, 2010

The Frontiersman Rides Again (in his SUV),or The Shot Heard Round the Planet

Written when Vice President Dick Chenry -- or rather his friend -- had his unfortunate hunting accident.

Gather round while I tell the tale
of how Dick Cheney hunted quail.
Not wild, of course, but especially bred
as easy targets for the hunters’ lead.

Dick stumbles to his SUV
keen to start his shooting spree.
If he’d kept in mind his DUIs
he’d have stuck to Coke and been seen as wise.

January 18, 2010

Hail the Conquering Hero

Chapter 7.

Good morning Mr. President.

Good morning. When we last met I said I wanted you to tell me about José Aznar. He seems quite an interesting guy. Very upbeat.

He is probably still basking in the glory of his country's victory at the Battle of Parsley Island.

I'm glad you mentioned that. Just as I was leaving for the Azores, one of my advisers told me to ask him about parsley. I thought that, for once, I might have misunderstood. There suddenly seems to be an awful lot of talk about food. First Tony Blair goes on about eggs and then my guys asked me to talk to José Aznar about parsley. I was beginning to wonder if I was missing something.

No, Mr. President, you were not mistaken. The reference was to Isla del Perejil, known in English as Parsley Island, which is just off the Moroccan coast, close to Spain, and claimed by the Spaniards.

January 14, 2010

The Bob Woodward Story, Part II,

(written in October 2006)

Quick, finish dinner! At the TV we must look
to hear Woodward plug his latest book.
It’s easy to learn Bob’s point of view
for he’s on the networks, and on cable too,

As we wait for his findings to be revealed
we hope that nothing will be concealed.
Will he throw any light on that odd love affair
between George Bush and Tony Blair?

January 13, 2010

The Bob Woodward Story, Part I

The Bob Woodward Story, Part I, or How to Make a Sharp U-Turn
(written on 8 May 2006)

Two young reporters, like all their kind,
yearned to escape their daily grind.
Keen they were, enthusiastic,
and prayed they’d clinch that scoop fantastic.

Little did they dream that fate
would lay before them Watergate,
and all the President’s men’s skullduggery
best described perhaps as thuggery.

January 11, 2010

The White House Square Dance

The follow was written during the Gang of Four's time in the White House

The Gang of Four’s White House Square Dance

Take your partner, make your bow.
A Wrong Way Promenade we disallow.
What the caller prompts, say, a Half Sashay,
you must all be ready to obey.

As this square is not aligned
the change we make you must not mind.
To the caller we request you do not yell
when he insists one Beau must be a Belle.

Looking at his feet with a puzzled frown,
Bush sees one shoe black and one shoe brown.
He, who has never been described as deft,
asks which is right and which is left.

January 6, 2010

A Child's Point of View

Verses written by a child -- or by me when I was a child

Why is it that when grownups talk to us
it is usually to make a fuss?
They are always quick with their do not’s and do’s
and seldom listen to our views.

When Mom asked if I could try
to get the baby not to cry,
I thought I’d recite him my little verse,
but I’m afraid that only made him worse.

On Sundays when we picnic in the park
we make sure to go before it’s dark.
I always remember to brush my pants
and leave crumbs behind for the hungry ants.

January 5, 2010

Plain Speaking -

Chapter 18. Let Us Give Honours….The list of British honours has just been announced and the President wants to learn about it, especially about honours to entertainment figures.

President: What about the Rolling Stones guy, Mick Jagger, who seems to have been around for a long time? I hear he has suddenly become a Sir.

Reporter: Ah, that was a very special, one might even call it, to use one of your favourite words, a pre-emptive, case. You see, Sir, it was noticed recently that an alarming affliction has been spreading among young people in Britain, which the medical profession has named forebear phobia, and which might well spread to other countries if not quickly brought under control.

January 4, 2010

Greenspan Revisited*

When Greenspan at last decided to the Fed bid farewell
the consensus was that the job he did had been swell.
There were a few, however, who had not been impressed
and his unrelenting rate cutting left them distressed.

Why, they asked, punish those who managed their incomes with thrift
just to give the profligate spenders an interest cut gift?
Why his stubborn defence of deregulation
that gave hedgers and derivers irresistible temptation?

On reflection, were the admirers who said what he did was a miracle
expressing themselves in a manner satirical?
How else to explain the sudden about face
by the sycophants who swore no-one him could replace?

Distressed is a condition Greenspan admits he now feels
as from the torrent of criticism he unsteadily reels.
He also confesses he has been embarrassingly humbled
as he sees how his reputation has so rapidly crumbled.

Bob Woodward, in his customary hero-worshipping obsequious tone,
insisted as a money man Greenspan stood all alone.
“Maestro” was the name with which he would Alan baptize,
baffled that his hero will never get the Nobel Prize.

Will Bob, when he learns that Greenspan himself admits the disaster
be able to explain why he determined to name him the “Master”?
Will he be forced to utter a dejected “good grief”
when he learns of his hero’s state of shocked disbelief?

As Alan admits he only now knows the destructive power of wanton mortgage lending
does it mean he spent the intervening years in irrational exuberant elbow-bending?
So beware, you who do not once again wish down the river to be sold
for your idol may have feet of clay, though its head be made of gold.
*Written on 4 November 2008

Plain Speaking - Index

I wrote about events as they occurred. In the coming days I shall be posting selections from the chapters, not necessarily in date order.

1. Foreign Affairs 16 January 2003
2. The Lay of the Land 24 January 2003
3. Oh! Canada 25 January 2003
4. Me and My Shadow 26 January 2003
5. Explosive Issues 14 February 2003
- Tony’s conversation with Cherie 16 February 2003
6. The French Disconnection 25 March 2003
7. Hail the Conquering Hero 26 March 2003
8. Plain Speaking 01 April 2003
- Tony’s conversation with Cherie 03 April 2003 9. No Known Cure 10 April 2003
10. Wrap the Duct Tape Round Me 22 April 2003
11. The Rocky Road to Nowhere 25 April 2003
12. Oh, What a Tangled Web 31 August 2003
13. O, Sole Mio 02 September 2003
- Tony’ conversation with Cherie 03 September 2003
14. A Fishy Tale 08 October 2003 - Tony’s conversation with Cherie 12 October 2003
15. Uneasy Lies the Head….. 17 November 2003
- Tony’s conversation with Cherie 19 November 2003
16. How Now Brown Cow 25 November 2003 - Tony’s conversation with Cherie 27 November 2003
17. A Mystery Solved 10 December 2003 - Tony’s conversation with Cherie 12 December 2003
18. Let Us Give Honours Where Honours Are Due 03 January 2004
19. A Most Singular Party 05 January 2004
- Tony’s conversation with Cherie 07 January 2004
20. Everything You’ve Always Wanted To Know 15 June 2004
21. The Law’s DeLay 14 July 2004
- Tony’s conversation with Cherie 20 July 2004
22. What’s in a Name? 28 January 2005
Epilogue 13 July 2006
Who’s Who

January 2, 2010

New Enquiry: Blair's War

Now that the British Government has appointed a group of notables, headed by Sir John Chilcot, to look into the role played by Britain in the Iraq War, and known as the Chilcot Enquiry, should not the public in the U.S. and Britain, and elsewhere, be given a chance to find out, from an informed, impartial and objective source with no axe to grind or scores to settle, what really happened during the most crucial years in office of President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair?

Plain Speaking describes their exchanges during their frequent meetings and telephone conversations. Besides giving an insight into how they reached some of their decisions about the war, it covers a wide range of subjects including the British Honours System, the Queen’s hats, the U.N. Secretary General’s haddock concern, the French disconnection and many more.

January 1, 2010

But Where’s the Hole?*

A young woman named Rachel Ray
appears on television day after day.
to show off all her cooking skills.
like chopping, frying, baking and using grills.

Her performances can be quite charming
though her exuberance is at times alarming.
When it seems she may bounce right off the screen
we assume she has imbibed too much caffeine.