Tony Blair has confessed that, before he decided Iraq to invade,
he got down on his knees and fervently prayed.
The answer to his prayer he kept close to his chest,
but he led us to believe his Crusade had been blessed.
When his chum George had made up his mind,
like his obedient poodle Tony ran close behind.
They were standing shoulder to shoulder he constantly repeated,
even when they were opposite one another with both of them seated.
The name of the Almighty he never did mention
and to his faith Tony did not call our attention.
Spinner Alastair Campbell gave the hacks a dismissive nod
as he disdainfully told them “We don’t do God”.
Once Tony had left the Primer Minister’s home
he quickly hopped on a plane bound for Rome.
As an Anglican he no longer wanted to be
in Saint Peters he pledged allegiance to the Holy See.
Now his ever increasing displays of religiosity
were even more irksome than his overweening pomposity.
His advisers, as he set off for the strife-torn Middle East
had to persuade him not to go dressed as a priest.
As there his intervention was no resounding success
he looked for something to do that would cause him less stress.
What steps could he take to ensure his eternal salvation?
Of course! He’d set up a Tony Blair Faith Foundation.
He who said the media acted like a feral beast when they did not toe his line,
now called a news conference to announce his vision divine,
He would enlist religion to get rid of violence and every conflict remove.
And, if that were not enough, it would the economy improve.
Tony stated that he wanted it well understood
his Foundation would sell religion as a force for our good.
To learn how it would do that we anxiously awaited,
as we listened to him pontificating with breath that was bated.
Its first task, he suggested, should be to donate mosquito nets
to people who face increasing malaria threats.
Will each one be certified by Tony as he worries and frets
to make sure they are given only blessed holy nets?
If any are offered by donors who do not in religion believe,
will his Faith Foundation decline them to receive?
While he still keeps insisting he is always most sincere,
that Tony has gone round the bend is now demonstrably clear.
What is his ultimate goal as he sets out to do good?
Could he be preparing the way for a future sainthood?
But does he know the halo could only be claimed for his head
long after he’s dead?